What to do, what to do?

Why does health and taking care of yourself have to be so hard? You know, I actually like my primary doctor, been going to him for a long time, but he just isn't aggressive enough about dealing with problems. He's super conservative about giving out medicine or treatments and usually you'd think that's fine, but it takes for-freakin'-ever to get something fixed!

So then I try to go to different people and have run into THE most arrogant bunch of people. Good grief! I'm not asking anybody to baby me, I just want some help. I know I could lose weight, but good grief I don't take up two airline seats or have trouble going up the stairs or anything - I weigh more than I should. Period. Big deal! But they have trouble looking past that.

And when you get older, you start hearing horror stories about doctors blowing you off (especially if you're a woman) and you think, "well, that won't happen to me". Well, it can, and it does! I'm walking, living breathing proof! LOL I mean, come on now, the things I've personally heard and what my friends have said about what doctors say to them is frankly abusive. If you said stuff like that in a workplace, you'd be reprimanded if not fired on the spot.

But NO....it's okay because they are the (cue heavenly music) DOCTORS. The experts. Okay, fine. You know so much? Tell me what to do, and shut up. No opinions, just freakin' tell me what is WRONG with me (and I know something is) and HELP ME. I thought that's what doctors were for.

Oh well. Seriously though, I'm pondering whether to start over with a new doctor (again) or go to one of two recommended docs I've been told about. I'm so tired of the whole process, tho. I'm tired of feeling like I'm 4 years old and being reprimanded. Good grief, my parents weren't even like this to me! (well then again, I have really good parents, but you get my point). It's so ridiculous.

Well, so I'm trying to figure out - do I try again, or do I go to the iridologist in town? I'm tempted to go to the Indian iridologists that I've been to before years ago. I still have the sheet they gave me on what was wrong with me. It would be interesting to compare it. I really love the alternative medicine thing. I have such a high tolerance to regular medicine (it doesn't work for me) that I think I'm just one of those people that NEEDS something different. I'm getting really concerned b/c I haven't been able to give blood in several months and I've never had that problem in the 20 years I've given.

This is the time where I wish I didn't work, even part-time. I wish I had a week to focus on myself. Actually, there's always vacation, and seriously, I may have to take next week (after this) off anyways b/c of possibly getting carpet/vinyl flooring replaced. I dunno. My dream would be to have a whole week to myself to really just focus on getting healthy. You know what, I may just do it anyways....make myself go to the gym, drink tons of water, eat better. I mean, really, do I need to be alone to do that? NO! I need to incorporate that in my life anyways. *sigh*

Well, I also need to sleep - so I'm off to try....