I can't believe April's almost over...my 40th birthday came and went (glad that's over with!) and work is getting busier and busier. May and June promise to be fairly horrid work-wise so really, I'll be glad to see July.
I think...of course that's the peak HOT time of the year so I think I'm just going to embrace it and plan on a week or two off in the pool. Maybe I'll make someone else do my job for a while instead of the other way around!!
Of course then July'll be over and school will start again mid-August. *sigh* I think I'm going to have to start chopping away again at my activities. Of course, the Scouts thing will be over Feb. 2010. I think I'm going to have to not go for the DAR Regent thing in August...I'm just really overwhelmed with everything and I'd love for someone else to take over. Frankly I'd love to just drop out of everything and take time off. I really might consider that...I feel time slipping away and I don't like that feeling.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
WHOA I am so stressed out!
Ever forgot to write a check in your register? Okay, that's normal. It happens. But *I* had to forget the frickin' mortgage check!!! With the flurry of taxes and insurance junk from the sewer overflow, money's been flying in and out of our account like crazy. I haven't kept up with it very well and I paid for it.
Thank goodness we have enough to cover (barely). We get paid Friday so we just have to make it through today. OMG what a mess.
I so hate, hate, hate dealing with money. I hate numbers anyway. But I like to be correct and precise when I balance, etc. I hate dealing with it. I resent having to deal with it, quite honestly. But right now, this is the way it is. It'll be okay, it's just really hard right now.
I'm tired of doing so much. I'm wiped out. The weekend's coming and I'm not going to everything I "should" go to. TOUGH. I'll go to church and teach my SS class and sing in the choir and even get to ring the church bell. I'm glad to go there and I enjoy it. But geezus, life is getting overwhelming again and I'm tired of it being like this.
I quite literally do not have any fun things in my life besides maybe Facebook. I don't play my instruments anymore....I don't read any books....I don't even read the Bible anymore. I don't browse my vintage cookbooks for ideas. I don't cook unless forced into it by circumstance. I don't go to estate/garage sales. I don't do anything fun for me, you know?
Thing is, my life is good - I gripe, but it really is. I'm just tired of it going so fast. I'm so lucky to have a job I like (it's horribly busy right now, though) and I enjoy the Scouts and DAR, but they're busy, too. Add on trying to get laundry done (etc) and keeping up with all the mundane things....I'm beat!!
Oh well. I know things could be worse. I know that. I'm just tired of doing so much and not having the help I think I should have, and then feeling guilty for asking.
Thank goodness we have enough to cover (barely). We get paid Friday so we just have to make it through today. OMG what a mess.
I so hate, hate, hate dealing with money. I hate numbers anyway. But I like to be correct and precise when I balance, etc. I hate dealing with it. I resent having to deal with it, quite honestly. But right now, this is the way it is. It'll be okay, it's just really hard right now.
I'm tired of doing so much. I'm wiped out. The weekend's coming and I'm not going to everything I "should" go to. TOUGH. I'll go to church and teach my SS class and sing in the choir and even get to ring the church bell. I'm glad to go there and I enjoy it. But geezus, life is getting overwhelming again and I'm tired of it being like this.
I quite literally do not have any fun things in my life besides maybe Facebook. I don't play my instruments anymore....I don't read any books....I don't even read the Bible anymore. I don't browse my vintage cookbooks for ideas. I don't cook unless forced into it by circumstance. I don't go to estate/garage sales. I don't do anything fun for me, you know?
Thing is, my life is good - I gripe, but it really is. I'm just tired of it going so fast. I'm so lucky to have a job I like (it's horribly busy right now, though) and I enjoy the Scouts and DAR, but they're busy, too. Add on trying to get laundry done (etc) and keeping up with all the mundane things....I'm beat!!
Oh well. I know things could be worse. I know that. I'm just tired of doing so much and not having the help I think I should have, and then feeling guilty for asking.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Blue and Gold Dinner
Seth got his Webelos badge! Can't believe he'll be a Boy Scout this time next year. Wow.
Does Italy Have a Problem With Birds?
Okay, I bought this set of cookware (first new set in 17 years!) at Target. Made in Italy. What the heck?!
YAY!
OH man, this morning I had my sleep study follow-up. (Boy it took longer than I thought, but that's okay.) Going over everything I'd been through....what I felt like then....made me realize how far I've come. I didn't realize it until this morning, but when I went in to the center (way back in February) I was in a bad place. Mentally I was just in a fog all the time I think - I'd get through the day but I was just SO WEARY physically that it was really affecting me mentally. I was doing my job and doing what I was supposed to, but not enjoying life at all. I would have good moments here and there, but I was just going through the motions of everything else.
I realized this morning that I've REALLY come a long way. All it took was SOME SLEEP. Now I quite literally sleep through the night and it's restful. I'm not saying everything is absolutely perfect but it's darn close. I felt like a shadow of my self and now I'm finally back to being me again!
Going through old photo albums over spring break also helped me - made me realize well, first of all, I was a darn cute kid. I was! But not just that, it made me think about my personality - I've always been a happy person. Not annoying (I hope!) perky to the point of wanting me slap me, just a genuinely happy person most of the time. Well, I was NOT that person for a loooooong time. Starting about 14 I've had sleep problems and I guess I've just taken it as part of life. Now it hasn't been horribly bad every night ever since then or anything, it just usually takes me a couple of hours to fall asleep and then I'd wake up several times. Talk about not resting!
But now with the c-pap machine, I usually go to sleep in about 30 minutes. I don't even use sleeping pills or anything! It's amazing! And the lady said today that I'll probably start losing more weight, too b/c my metabolism is "shot" b/c of the lack of sleep over all these years. Good to know - I've been SO frustrated with exercise/eating well not working and given up. Thought I was just doomed to this body.
Now I did get a few samples of Lunesta just for those nights when you know you're wound up and need to get to sleep. I've only had like 2 nights (in 6 weeks!) when I felt like I really needed something (but didn't have anything). So they gave me some samples (freebies!). Good to know they're there.
I feel like a totally renewed person. I'm so grateful for this sleep study. It was worth going to Dr. I-Have-No-Bedside-Manner to get through it. I feel like my whole body is healthier. I will still continue to take my iron protein shake, iron supplement, and multi-vitamin just to make sure my iron's up. I can really tell the difference if I slack off a couple of days on that. But the fatigue is GONE. Hopefully FOREVER!!! YAY!!!
I realized this morning that I've REALLY come a long way. All it took was SOME SLEEP. Now I quite literally sleep through the night and it's restful. I'm not saying everything is absolutely perfect but it's darn close. I felt like a shadow of my self and now I'm finally back to being me again!
Going through old photo albums over spring break also helped me - made me realize well, first of all, I was a darn cute kid. I was! But not just that, it made me think about my personality - I've always been a happy person. Not annoying (I hope!) perky to the point of wanting me slap me, just a genuinely happy person most of the time. Well, I was NOT that person for a loooooong time. Starting about 14 I've had sleep problems and I guess I've just taken it as part of life. Now it hasn't been horribly bad every night ever since then or anything, it just usually takes me a couple of hours to fall asleep and then I'd wake up several times. Talk about not resting!
But now with the c-pap machine, I usually go to sleep in about 30 minutes. I don't even use sleeping pills or anything! It's amazing! And the lady said today that I'll probably start losing more weight, too b/c my metabolism is "shot" b/c of the lack of sleep over all these years. Good to know - I've been SO frustrated with exercise/eating well not working and given up. Thought I was just doomed to this body.
Now I did get a few samples of Lunesta just for those nights when you know you're wound up and need to get to sleep. I've only had like 2 nights (in 6 weeks!) when I felt like I really needed something (but didn't have anything). So they gave me some samples (freebies!). Good to know they're there.
I feel like a totally renewed person. I'm so grateful for this sleep study. It was worth going to Dr. I-Have-No-Bedside-Manner to get through it. I feel like my whole body is healthier. I will still continue to take my iron protein shake, iron supplement, and multi-vitamin just to make sure my iron's up. I can really tell the difference if I slack off a couple of days on that. But the fatigue is GONE. Hopefully FOREVER!!! YAY!!!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Feeling Better...but...
...I really can't seem to get all the planets aligned around here! Okay, so the c-pap thing is working, but now that I have/had a cold, that slows progress. Grr!
As far as doctors, etc - I think I'm just going to play it by ear. I'll go to Dr. Snarky since 1) he's on the health plan and b) he *did* order the sleep lab which is really helping out.
I think it's that whole thing of expectations. In a church class about depression, they said that a lot of people have these high expectations, and when they aren't met, you feel let down. I didn't think that was me, but then I really thought about it.
I mean, really, here's an example - you go to a doctor, you expect a normal amount of respect and good advice. Okay, then you go, and you get a snarky jerk who ignores the main reason you've come. There's the let down.
So now, I guess the thing is to just literally expect the worst and hope for the best! Sounds pessimistic, but hey, it works. Same with friends - I guess I've always had such high expectations, and when I get let down, I'm like "See - thanks a lot! Now get off my planet!"
I know I have unrealistic expectations for everything - but aren't you supposed to "want the best" for your life? Is it too much to want your house to be neat? Your son to put things away? Your husband to help out with the child?
So where's the happy medium? I guess it's just doing your best...day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to (and I do sometimes!).
So - I hope for a good night's sleep - I'll try not to expect to be completely refreshed, but if I am, woohoo!
As far as doctors, etc - I think I'm just going to play it by ear. I'll go to Dr. Snarky since 1) he's on the health plan and b) he *did* order the sleep lab which is really helping out.
I think it's that whole thing of expectations. In a church class about depression, they said that a lot of people have these high expectations, and when they aren't met, you feel let down. I didn't think that was me, but then I really thought about it.
I mean, really, here's an example - you go to a doctor, you expect a normal amount of respect and good advice. Okay, then you go, and you get a snarky jerk who ignores the main reason you've come. There's the let down.
So now, I guess the thing is to just literally expect the worst and hope for the best! Sounds pessimistic, but hey, it works. Same with friends - I guess I've always had such high expectations, and when I get let down, I'm like "See - thanks a lot! Now get off my planet!"
I know I have unrealistic expectations for everything - but aren't you supposed to "want the best" for your life? Is it too much to want your house to be neat? Your son to put things away? Your husband to help out with the child?
So where's the happy medium? I guess it's just doing your best...day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to (and I do sometimes!).
So - I hope for a good night's sleep - I'll try not to expect to be completely refreshed, but if I am, woohoo!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Vintage Grady and Peg - Circa 1977
This was my favorite square dancing outfits they had. PINK! Mom had silver shoes. I liked Dad's pink towel. Now the outfits are in the hands of my church's children's drama room! I'm glad they'll "live on"! :)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Lunesta is a gift from above
I'm actually tired. I will actually SLEEP tonight! Thank God (literally) for Lunesta. I hope I spelled it right. Actually, I don't care - it works whatever the name is! Woohoo!
I think a LOT of my problems physically can be traced back to not getting sleep. I've already dropped 5 pounds and I have done NOTHING different. I think it's just less stress on the body. Wow. I actually feel human again. :)
Anyways, I can't stay up all night - I have a schedule! Sweet dreams.....
I think a LOT of my problems physically can be traced back to not getting sleep. I've already dropped 5 pounds and I have done NOTHING different. I think it's just less stress on the body. Wow. I actually feel human again. :)
Anyways, I can't stay up all night - I have a schedule! Sweet dreams.....
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Getting Sleep
Ok, so the Lunesta is working. Now I just need to get the other person in the room on something. :)
One I get the sleeping thing going, maybe I can work on the other 1,294,394 things I need to do. If I really had my way, I'd quit work, quit church, quit DAR, quit every other activity I do, except probably Scouts. I wish I could go back to being a stay-at-home mom again and focus on that. I don't think that's ever going to happen again. Part of me is pretty sad about that. I'm just racing through life now and it's going by FAST.
I think once the flooring is fixed, maybe that'll help things. It's SO stressful having the house all torn up. Plus I stupidly started the taxes (should have left it alone for a long time) and we owe a bunch, so that leads to even more stress. I just want to give up sometimes.
One I get the sleeping thing going, maybe I can work on the other 1,294,394 things I need to do. If I really had my way, I'd quit work, quit church, quit DAR, quit every other activity I do, except probably Scouts. I wish I could go back to being a stay-at-home mom again and focus on that. I don't think that's ever going to happen again. Part of me is pretty sad about that. I'm just racing through life now and it's going by FAST.
I think once the flooring is fixed, maybe that'll help things. It's SO stressful having the house all torn up. Plus I stupidly started the taxes (should have left it alone for a long time) and we owe a bunch, so that leads to even more stress. I just want to give up sometimes.
Monday, February 09, 2009
What to do, what to do?
Why does health and taking care of yourself have to be so hard? You know, I actually like my primary doctor, been going to him for a long time, but he just isn't aggressive enough about dealing with problems. He's super conservative about giving out medicine or treatments and usually you'd think that's fine, but it takes for-freakin'-ever to get something fixed!
So then I try to go to different people and have run into THE most arrogant bunch of people. Good grief! I'm not asking anybody to baby me, I just want some help. I know I could lose weight, but good grief I don't take up two airline seats or have trouble going up the stairs or anything - I weigh more than I should. Period. Big deal! But they have trouble looking past that.
And when you get older, you start hearing horror stories about doctors blowing you off (especially if you're a woman) and you think, "well, that won't happen to me". Well, it can, and it does! I'm walking, living breathing proof! LOL I mean, come on now, the things I've personally heard and what my friends have said about what doctors say to them is frankly abusive. If you said stuff like that in a workplace, you'd be reprimanded if not fired on the spot.
But NO....it's okay because they are the (cue heavenly music) DOCTORS. The experts. Okay, fine. You know so much? Tell me what to do, and shut up. No opinions, just freakin' tell me what is WRONG with me (and I know something is) and HELP ME. I thought that's what doctors were for.
Oh well. Seriously though, I'm pondering whether to start over with a new doctor (again) or go to one of two recommended docs I've been told about. I'm so tired of the whole process, tho. I'm tired of feeling like I'm 4 years old and being reprimanded. Good grief, my parents weren't even like this to me! (well then again, I have really good parents, but you get my point). It's so ridiculous.
Well, so I'm trying to figure out - do I try again, or do I go to the iridologist in town? I'm tempted to go to the Indian iridologists that I've been to before years ago. I still have the sheet they gave me on what was wrong with me. It would be interesting to compare it. I really love the alternative medicine thing. I have such a high tolerance to regular medicine (it doesn't work for me) that I think I'm just one of those people that NEEDS something different. I'm getting really concerned b/c I haven't been able to give blood in several months and I've never had that problem in the 20 years I've given.
This is the time where I wish I didn't work, even part-time. I wish I had a week to focus on myself. Actually, there's always vacation, and seriously, I may have to take next week (after this) off anyways b/c of possibly getting carpet/vinyl flooring replaced. I dunno. My dream would be to have a whole week to myself to really just focus on getting healthy. You know what, I may just do it anyways....make myself go to the gym, drink tons of water, eat better. I mean, really, do I need to be alone to do that? NO! I need to incorporate that in my life anyways. *sigh*
Well, I also need to sleep - so I'm off to try....
So then I try to go to different people and have run into THE most arrogant bunch of people. Good grief! I'm not asking anybody to baby me, I just want some help. I know I could lose weight, but good grief I don't take up two airline seats or have trouble going up the stairs or anything - I weigh more than I should. Period. Big deal! But they have trouble looking past that.
And when you get older, you start hearing horror stories about doctors blowing you off (especially if you're a woman) and you think, "well, that won't happen to me". Well, it can, and it does! I'm walking, living breathing proof! LOL I mean, come on now, the things I've personally heard and what my friends have said about what doctors say to them is frankly abusive. If you said stuff like that in a workplace, you'd be reprimanded if not fired on the spot.
But NO....it's okay because they are the (cue heavenly music) DOCTORS. The experts. Okay, fine. You know so much? Tell me what to do, and shut up. No opinions, just freakin' tell me what is WRONG with me (and I know something is) and HELP ME. I thought that's what doctors were for.
Oh well. Seriously though, I'm pondering whether to start over with a new doctor (again) or go to one of two recommended docs I've been told about. I'm so tired of the whole process, tho. I'm tired of feeling like I'm 4 years old and being reprimanded. Good grief, my parents weren't even like this to me! (well then again, I have really good parents, but you get my point). It's so ridiculous.
Well, so I'm trying to figure out - do I try again, or do I go to the iridologist in town? I'm tempted to go to the Indian iridologists that I've been to before years ago. I still have the sheet they gave me on what was wrong with me. It would be interesting to compare it. I really love the alternative medicine thing. I have such a high tolerance to regular medicine (it doesn't work for me) that I think I'm just one of those people that NEEDS something different. I'm getting really concerned b/c I haven't been able to give blood in several months and I've never had that problem in the 20 years I've given.
This is the time where I wish I didn't work, even part-time. I wish I had a week to focus on myself. Actually, there's always vacation, and seriously, I may have to take next week (after this) off anyways b/c of possibly getting carpet/vinyl flooring replaced. I dunno. My dream would be to have a whole week to myself to really just focus on getting healthy. You know what, I may just do it anyways....make myself go to the gym, drink tons of water, eat better. I mean, really, do I need to be alone to do that? NO! I need to incorporate that in my life anyways. *sigh*
Well, I also need to sleep - so I'm off to try....
Dang. Up late again!
Grr! Well, the wind is sweeping down the plains and it's driving me NUTS!! It is SO freakishly windy and the house is creaking like an old barn. Good grief! Add that to my stress over getting the flooring replaced after our lovely sewer problem and yep, I'm up again. Eh.
I think I'll repost my "random things about me" from my facebook page. Reading it always makes me feel better. :)
Here it is:
1. I own 7 lava lamps.
2. I also wear lots of beads, flow-y clothes, treat animals ethically, want to save the planet, drive a VW, burn incense, used cloth diapers for my son, and use alternative medicines....and I'm a conservative Republican. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me.
3. I know #2 was long but it was sort of one thing bunched together.
4. I played piccolo in the OU marching band for all 4 years of my college days and LOVED IT. I practiced for literally hours a day until my chin was numb and my fingers ached before my first audition because I wanted it SO BAD.
5. I am an only child and I love it.
6. My son is an only child and he loves it.
7. My husband (who is not an only child) is from West Virginia and got me to be a Mountaineers fan. The only time I ever rooted against them was when they played OU last year. I didn't like it that OU lost, but it softened the blow that WVU did, 'cause I really do love the 'eers!
8. I've given 67 pints of blood since 1989.
9. My goal in life is to be a American Red Cross Disaster Relief Volunteer. I wish I could now but it's not practical with a little boy at home.
10. I worked for the Tulsa Drillers baseball team for two summers during college.
11. I picked my college major from a TU (Tulsa) catalog...the marketing classes sounded so interesting so there you go. The rest of my life decided.
12. I could have gotten a music scholarship from OU but I would have had to change my major to music. I was afraid it would ruin my love of music to do it as a major, so I didn't do that. I'm glad, though. My life would be totally different if I'd taken that path. Because....
13. I met my husband at Williams Telecommunications in the summer of 1990. He was an engineer and I was an intern in the marketing dept. Same floor. Same copy room. He was cute in his paisley suspenders. :) Still love him as much as I did then. Been married 17 1/2 years.
14. I really, really like Dr Pepper.
15. I work at my church's office and I love my job. I love helping people and I get paid for it!
16. I believe that money isn't everything, but it sure helps in paying the bills. :)
17. My parents have been married for over 40 years, and I'm hoping to do the same (at least!).
18. I was born in Nuremberg, Bavaria, Germany in an U.S. Army hospital. I have birth certificates in both German and English.
19. My genealogy can be traced back to Germany, Ireland and England (on my dad's side it goes back to 1605 in Liverpool).
20. On my mother's side, we have an American Revolutionary War soldier, Simon Rinehardt, who fought in the Continential Army. I'm therefore a member of the D.A.R.
21. I've just helped to start a chapter of D.A.R. in Owasso and am the Chapter Regent. You may call me Madam Regent. ;)
22. I wanted to be a cheerleader and once tried out in 6th grade at a Baptist school I went to. Didn't make it, though, and I was devastated. Then again....would I have been in the OU band later on? I think not. There you go again...the whole life path thing.
23. I love Elvis, Glenn Miller, Bon Jovi and the Bee Gees, among many others. My iPod has a really random mix of tunes!
24. I don't like it when people are condescending to me or anyone else. I want to slap them.
25. I've watched Young and the Restless since the 70s.
26. I love pink. Like, freakishly.
27. I have a pink Conair hairdryer from when I was in high school, and it still works. I really like it.
28. I know my physique could be better, but I was paid $80/hr as a plus-size model in the 90s, so there's the whole "you use what you got" deal.
29. I once got paid $50 to act in a U.S. Coast Guard training film. It was classified material so I never got to see the finished product.
30. Yeah I know I'm going on past 25, but meh.
31. I've been a member of a religious cult. Not a wild bald-headed-people-chanting-in-the-airport one, just one that didn't believe in the Trinity and was way into studying the Bible and witnessing. (Actually, Mormons are considered a cult,too, if you get picky about it....)
32. I decided to "start over" religion-wise and researched. And researched. Found that the United Methodist Church was exactly what I was looking for.
33. I know where I'm going when I die. And I'm not afraid of dying.
34. I'm (well...will be) an organ donor.
35. I believe in America. I know we'll be okay no matter what.
36. I don't believe that a government should be too large and all-powerful. I'm conservative and wish those that SAY they are actually put it into practice.
37. I don't hate liberals. (I may not agree with them, but I don't hate them.) I have my beliefs, and I respect others' beliefs and hope for the same back. I wish everyone would just get to work and shut up about it!
38. I'm weary of politics now.
39. My cat is laying on my arm right now and I'm not moving him. (Why? I don't know.)
40. I can't believe I went to 40. Yes I can. It's me.
41. I'm a big believer in the whole "Golden Rule" thing.
42. I think when you focus on the eternal, life seems easier even if there's challenges. And a lot of times, that's not as easy as it sounds.
43. I'm thankful for all of you. :)
44. I'm not going to tag anyone b/c I'm really hungry and I want to eat lunch already!
I think I'll repost my "random things about me" from my facebook page. Reading it always makes me feel better. :)
Here it is:
1. I own 7 lava lamps.
2. I also wear lots of beads, flow-y clothes, treat animals ethically, want to save the planet, drive a VW, burn incense, used cloth diapers for my son, and use alternative medicines....and I'm a conservative Republican. I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me.
3. I know #2 was long but it was sort of one thing bunched together.
4. I played piccolo in the OU marching band for all 4 years of my college days and LOVED IT. I practiced for literally hours a day until my chin was numb and my fingers ached before my first audition because I wanted it SO BAD.
5. I am an only child and I love it.
6. My son is an only child and he loves it.
7. My husband (who is not an only child) is from West Virginia and got me to be a Mountaineers fan. The only time I ever rooted against them was when they played OU last year. I didn't like it that OU lost, but it softened the blow that WVU did, 'cause I really do love the 'eers!
8. I've given 67 pints of blood since 1989.
9. My goal in life is to be a American Red Cross Disaster Relief Volunteer. I wish I could now but it's not practical with a little boy at home.
10. I worked for the Tulsa Drillers baseball team for two summers during college.
11. I picked my college major from a TU (Tulsa) catalog...the marketing classes sounded so interesting so there you go. The rest of my life decided.
12. I could have gotten a music scholarship from OU but I would have had to change my major to music. I was afraid it would ruin my love of music to do it as a major, so I didn't do that. I'm glad, though. My life would be totally different if I'd taken that path. Because....
13. I met my husband at Williams Telecommunications in the summer of 1990. He was an engineer and I was an intern in the marketing dept. Same floor. Same copy room. He was cute in his paisley suspenders. :) Still love him as much as I did then. Been married 17 1/2 years.
14. I really, really like Dr Pepper.
15. I work at my church's office and I love my job. I love helping people and I get paid for it!
16. I believe that money isn't everything, but it sure helps in paying the bills. :)
17. My parents have been married for over 40 years, and I'm hoping to do the same (at least!).
18. I was born in Nuremberg, Bavaria, Germany in an U.S. Army hospital. I have birth certificates in both German and English.
19. My genealogy can be traced back to Germany, Ireland and England (on my dad's side it goes back to 1605 in Liverpool).
20. On my mother's side, we have an American Revolutionary War soldier, Simon Rinehardt, who fought in the Continential Army. I'm therefore a member of the D.A.R.
21. I've just helped to start a chapter of D.A.R. in Owasso and am the Chapter Regent. You may call me Madam Regent. ;)
22. I wanted to be a cheerleader and once tried out in 6th grade at a Baptist school I went to. Didn't make it, though, and I was devastated. Then again....would I have been in the OU band later on? I think not. There you go again...the whole life path thing.
23. I love Elvis, Glenn Miller, Bon Jovi and the Bee Gees, among many others. My iPod has a really random mix of tunes!
24. I don't like it when people are condescending to me or anyone else. I want to slap them.
25. I've watched Young and the Restless since the 70s.
26. I love pink. Like, freakishly.
27. I have a pink Conair hairdryer from when I was in high school, and it still works. I really like it.
28. I know my physique could be better, but I was paid $80/hr as a plus-size model in the 90s, so there's the whole "you use what you got" deal.
29. I once got paid $50 to act in a U.S. Coast Guard training film. It was classified material so I never got to see the finished product.
30. Yeah I know I'm going on past 25, but meh.
31. I've been a member of a religious cult. Not a wild bald-headed-people-chanting-in-the-airport one, just one that didn't believe in the Trinity and was way into studying the Bible and witnessing. (Actually, Mormons are considered a cult,too, if you get picky about it....)
32. I decided to "start over" religion-wise and researched. And researched. Found that the United Methodist Church was exactly what I was looking for.
33. I know where I'm going when I die. And I'm not afraid of dying.
34. I'm (well...will be) an organ donor.
35. I believe in America. I know we'll be okay no matter what.
36. I don't believe that a government should be too large and all-powerful. I'm conservative and wish those that SAY they are actually put it into practice.
37. I don't hate liberals. (I may not agree with them, but I don't hate them.) I have my beliefs, and I respect others' beliefs and hope for the same back. I wish everyone would just get to work and shut up about it!
38. I'm weary of politics now.
39. My cat is laying on my arm right now and I'm not moving him. (Why? I don't know.)
40. I can't believe I went to 40. Yes I can. It's me.
41. I'm a big believer in the whole "Golden Rule" thing.
42. I think when you focus on the eternal, life seems easier even if there's challenges. And a lot of times, that's not as easy as it sounds.
43. I'm thankful for all of you. :)
44. I'm not going to tag anyone b/c I'm really hungry and I want to eat lunch already!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I'm Through With Conventional Doctors
"Everything's Just Fine!"
Yep, that's what the chipper nurse told me over the phone re: my numerous tests. I just said "Thanks" and didn't even bother to explain anything. That no, everything's NOT just fine. I don't FEEL just fine. My body doesn't feel just fine. Something isn't RIGHT. But no, it's not just fine.
So I've taken it upon myself to educate myself on more alternative ways to heal myself. It's obvious that regular medicine isn't the answer. You might be one point away from abnormal, but in their minds, "everything's just fine!" and "you're in the normal range". Don't look at the full picture or anything, just stare at the (probably one of hundreds) of test results and declare everything's just fine and move along to the next.
Should I expect a doctor to take into account that after only 20 minutes of a workout, that I'm so exhausted and fatigued that I sleep for HOURS and HOURS afterwards - in the middle of the day? Nah. I'm sure that's normal.
I'm too tired to list everything else, but that's a good example.
I've come really close to the edge - I've almost completely given up on everything. When you go through it, you understand. It's not a "oh gee, I had a rough day, I'm tired". It's a "I can't hardly move any part of my body and I'm about to fall asleep and it's only 9:00am" tired. But "everything's just fine!"
Give me a break.
Yep, that's what the chipper nurse told me over the phone re: my numerous tests. I just said "Thanks" and didn't even bother to explain anything. That no, everything's NOT just fine. I don't FEEL just fine. My body doesn't feel just fine. Something isn't RIGHT. But no, it's not just fine.
So I've taken it upon myself to educate myself on more alternative ways to heal myself. It's obvious that regular medicine isn't the answer. You might be one point away from abnormal, but in their minds, "everything's just fine!" and "you're in the normal range". Don't look at the full picture or anything, just stare at the (probably one of hundreds) of test results and declare everything's just fine and move along to the next.
Should I expect a doctor to take into account that after only 20 minutes of a workout, that I'm so exhausted and fatigued that I sleep for HOURS and HOURS afterwards - in the middle of the day? Nah. I'm sure that's normal.
I'm too tired to list everything else, but that's a good example.
I've come really close to the edge - I've almost completely given up on everything. When you go through it, you understand. It's not a "oh gee, I had a rough day, I'm tired". It's a "I can't hardly move any part of my body and I'm about to fall asleep and it's only 9:00am" tired. But "everything's just fine!"
Give me a break.
Friday, December 26, 2008
What a little over $100 buys at T.J. Maxx
Okay, had some Christmas money. :) I love the shoes. Loooooove them.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I'm SO tired
...and that's not unusual for me. It seems to be getting worse but I chalked it up to the holidays. Last time I went to the gym (before today) I worked out like 20 minutes, and couldn't do any more. Went home and slept for 3 hours. Sorta puts me off of working out!
Well, today I tried to give blood again and the nurse told me I needed to go to a doctor b/c my hemoglobin (I think that's it) level was pretty low. It's been going down pretty steadily for months so I guess I'm going to have to haul myself to a doctor. I hate going. I hate getting weighed. But most of all, I hate getting prescriptions and them NOT WORKING. I hate it when doctors oversimplify.
I hate women doctors that should be compassionate about women's problems and are simply dismissive. "You need to get a job. Get out there and support yourself." That was the answer to my hot flashes, mood swings, and irregular periods a few years ago. Yep. Just get a job. That'll cure me! It's called menopause, you arrogant witch!
Now I face going to a doctor and telling him (NO women doctors) that I'm tired all the time. Yeah, that'll be fun. Maybe he'll tell me to "just work FULL time!"
On top of trying to do the "normal" things like household stuff, mom stuff, I've got a 20-hour a week job, assistant den leader and pack secretary for the Scouts, DAR chapter regent (trying to organize a brand new chapter) and that doesn't even include the "fun" stuff like trying to play flute and sing for church. Even that was stressful b/c of the almost impossibly difficult song I played a couple of weeks ago. Geez.
And my problem is, that I feel like I have NO fun time...for me, you know? Can't go shopping - that takes money and of course, we're trying to watch it now. And I'm too freakin' tired to do anything else. At literally 6:00pm I'm about to fall asleep. I force myself to "get through the day" and THEN, on top of it all, I can't sleep at night! I can't stand taking sleeping pills - 90 percent of the time they don't work, and the other 10 percent I'm "hung over" the WHOLE next day.
So what on earth do I do? I feel like I just run on adrenaline most of the time, and when I stop, I crash. I'll sleep for hours on weekends during the day if I don't have somewhere to go. I feel like my brain and my body aren't in sync - I want to do SO much and I can't physically do it. I've got so many projects I want to do. Right now I'm just lucky to hold my head up. I feel like I'm in a sort of daze most of the time - too tired for day and too awake for night, but it's all one big weird feeling. I envy people that wake up "refreshed". I literally have not felt that in YEARS.
Maybe 2009 needs to be the year I get the focus back on me. I've got a lot of obligations, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of myself.
Well, today I tried to give blood again and the nurse told me I needed to go to a doctor b/c my hemoglobin (I think that's it) level was pretty low. It's been going down pretty steadily for months so I guess I'm going to have to haul myself to a doctor. I hate going. I hate getting weighed. But most of all, I hate getting prescriptions and them NOT WORKING. I hate it when doctors oversimplify.
I hate women doctors that should be compassionate about women's problems and are simply dismissive. "You need to get a job. Get out there and support yourself." That was the answer to my hot flashes, mood swings, and irregular periods a few years ago. Yep. Just get a job. That'll cure me! It's called menopause, you arrogant witch!
Now I face going to a doctor and telling him (NO women doctors) that I'm tired all the time. Yeah, that'll be fun. Maybe he'll tell me to "just work FULL time!"
On top of trying to do the "normal" things like household stuff, mom stuff, I've got a 20-hour a week job, assistant den leader and pack secretary for the Scouts, DAR chapter regent (trying to organize a brand new chapter) and that doesn't even include the "fun" stuff like trying to play flute and sing for church. Even that was stressful b/c of the almost impossibly difficult song I played a couple of weeks ago. Geez.
And my problem is, that I feel like I have NO fun time...for me, you know? Can't go shopping - that takes money and of course, we're trying to watch it now. And I'm too freakin' tired to do anything else. At literally 6:00pm I'm about to fall asleep. I force myself to "get through the day" and THEN, on top of it all, I can't sleep at night! I can't stand taking sleeping pills - 90 percent of the time they don't work, and the other 10 percent I'm "hung over" the WHOLE next day.
So what on earth do I do? I feel like I just run on adrenaline most of the time, and when I stop, I crash. I'll sleep for hours on weekends during the day if I don't have somewhere to go. I feel like my brain and my body aren't in sync - I want to do SO much and I can't physically do it. I've got so many projects I want to do. Right now I'm just lucky to hold my head up. I feel like I'm in a sort of daze most of the time - too tired for day and too awake for night, but it's all one big weird feeling. I envy people that wake up "refreshed". I literally have not felt that in YEARS.
Maybe 2009 needs to be the year I get the focus back on me. I've got a lot of obligations, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of myself.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
FINALLY!
A Saturday with no meetings....obligations (at least none I feel obligated to do...haha)...etc. We're all just here in quiet togetherness.
Seth's looking at an Excel book (yes, Microsoft Excel. He likes the charts.) Ken's got headphones on...can't see his screen but I'm thinking it's either music or a game. I'm just catching up on email, Facebook, etc. Got my purse cleaned out. Checkbook entries in. Reading "Buying In" that I checked out from the library (I still like marketing books).
I really needed this! Things were getting really hectic with everyone sick and work's busy and Ken's job in limbo. We really needed a calm day.
Seth's looking at an Excel book (yes, Microsoft Excel. He likes the charts.) Ken's got headphones on...can't see his screen but I'm thinking it's either music or a game. I'm just catching up on email, Facebook, etc. Got my purse cleaned out. Checkbook entries in. Reading "Buying In" that I checked out from the library (I still like marketing books).
I really needed this! Things were getting really hectic with everyone sick and work's busy and Ken's job in limbo. We really needed a calm day.
Monday, October 13, 2008
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